The Open House (2018)

IT'S FUCKING SPOOKY SEASON. And I have some absolute pearlers that I've been holding in reserve to cover this month. Spooky season is always... well... mostly... a lot of fun and introduced me to some really good films like Bad Hair and Killer Sofa (no, really!) but regrettably it's also forced me to endure some of the worst bollocks I've ever watched. Like Wolves of Wall Street and Alone in the Dark. I'm hoping this year that the x4 films I have lined up aren't going to sink to depths any lower than those aforementioned atrocities, but to be honest I don't hold much hope with this weeks first pick: The Open House. A Netflix original from 2018 produced, written and directed by the same 2 people which, if you're new to this game, is immediately a red fucking flag that what you are about to watch may be of dubious quality. That and the fact that this currently holds a 3.3 / 10 on IMDB and 13% on Rotten Tomatoes, meaning it also earns itself a place on the "Worst Movies Ever Made" list, should be a good indicator that we are about to be in for a bad time.

After watching his father get run over in a car park, and after reaching the conclusion they can't pay the rent to stay where they are, Logan Wallace (Dylan Minette) and his mum Naomi (Piercey Dalton) take up an offer from a friend, a real estate agent Alison (?) to stay in their "mountain house." After giving us our first 'jump scare', less than 8 minutes in to the movie... Logan and Naomi bump into Alison's creepy, weird old lady neighbour Martha (Patricia Bethune) in the local store who says a bunch of cliché things that definitely aren't in any way foreboding... and sympathises with Naomi as she too has lost her husband, before they arrive at the MASSIVE house they're going to be staying in. Despite being there less than a whole day, Logan is awoken by a knocking at the door, followed by a car sounding it's horn and then driving off... wandering outside to take a look he initially can't find anyone, until he spins round and comes face to face with Martha, and the movie serves up it's 3rd jump scare... gonna start keeping score... with Martha babbling some nonsense about not knowing who they are e.t.c and then scampering off... The following morning (jump scare count: 4) after getting ushered out the house to make way for an open day, seeing as the house is still on the market despite them staying there, Logan and Naomi try to rebond over breakfast before Naomi get's chatted up in a department store causing Logan to get uncomfortable and they end up leaving. Arriving back home that evening (jump scare count: 5) despite being initially creeped out by the idea they just let a gang of complete strangers walk around what is currently their home, the pair cosy up for the evening as the basement door creepily squeaks open in the background. Later before bedding down for the evening, Logan notices his phone has gone missing and as he walks around the house looking for it (jump scare: 6) he's alerted to noises in the basement (jump scare: 7) followed by his mum crying out. But when he dashes upstairs, it's just because her shower has ran cold. After a protracted scene of her in the basement trying to relight the boilers pilot light, Naomi too begins to get a bit paranoid but then that scene is over. The following morning, after going for a run, the pair return back to the house to find the shopkeeper from before, Chris (Sharif Atkins - who I swear I recognize from something but can't remember what...) peering in the house. After Naomi agrees, Chris has a wander around the house, heading immediately for the basement and then presumably disappearing as he has vanished by the time Naomi comes back downstairs... ? That scene over with, Naomi digs out her old film camera and starts shooting some photos as Logan wanders outside, stares into the middle distance and the music goes all dramatic. I'm not sure why. That evening, weird Martha stops by and admits "they" did a tour of the house during the open house day yesterday, before contradicting herself from earlier when admitting her husband can't wait to meet the pair. When Naomi calls her out on it she quickly scrambles out the house... Then it's shower time again, but when the pilot light goes out for a second time, after Naomi already went down and lit it the first time, she sends Logan down this time who when lighting the match, briefly has a figure standing behind him (jump scare(ish): 8). That night, whilst he goes out to piss, a figure wanders around Logan's bedroom (jump scare: 9) and then stands in the doorway whilst Logan goes back to bed. The following morning, after a brief scene where Logan bumps into Martha whilst out on a run and she is weird some more, Naomi calls the plumber in and whilst he sorts the boiler out, Naomi finds a screwed up photo she cherished of her, Logan and her husband in the bin before she is startled (jump scare: 10) by the plumber returning. In conversation he reveals that Martha suffers with Alzheimer's before handing over Logan's phone that he said was found near the spooky boiler. Naomi confronts Logan with his phone and over the picture, convinced that he's winding her up, but he takes the accusation badly and they have a bad argument eventually coming on to the subject of husband and dad with Logan being a dick about things, saying he wishes it was her who died instead of her dad. Dick move man. That night, Logan is awoken by a bang, and as he wanders around in the dark to - that's right, you guessed it: the basement he goes down there to find his dad convulsing blood before he wakes up with a jolt, having had a nightmare. But is still being a dick about things and bolts off for a run leaving his mum behind, who heads into... town? to go and pick her photos up. Running into Chris along the way who gives her his number. After leaving him, she gets a call that the house has been broken into, racing back, collecting Logan on the way, they burst in to Silent Night playing in the house somewhere with the phone positioned on the dining room table, ringing as they approach it but with nobody on the other end. Calling the cops in, they search the house but find nothing, and the pair decide to still spend the night there anyway, but not before Logan, finding Chris's number, gives him a call and invites him over. However Logan is again woken up by a bump in the night and heading downstairs he find the front door open and is alerted to the sound of a car starting up, gingerly making his way to the car he discovers Chris behind the wheel, but dead with his throat cut, before he is attacked from behind by a man wearing black. After pouring what looks like petrol all over Logan, the man then proceeds to go upstairs and get into bed with Naomi... Startled awake, Naomi then, somehow, manages to go to the toilet, come back to bed, then switch on the lamp to look at the photos she took all whilst not noticing the bloke obviously lying next to her?!... As she thumbs through them she discovers a handful taken of Logan sleeping that she doesn't recognize before the man next to her finally sits upright and she finally notices! After initially being almost strangled to death, Naomi wakes up to discover she's tied to a rocking chair, the man in black then proceeds to torture her by breaking her fingers one by one before placing a knife near her body and walking away.... Logan regains consciousness, shivering, and heads into the house where he finds and unties his mum. Heading upstairs to get his phone, to call the police, he finds both his phone and his mums phone without SIM cards but is alerted by his mum calling out to him again, rushing around the house, knife in hand, her calls lead him to that damn basement again. As he shuffles around there, he turns a corner and is startled by his mum, accidentally plunging the knife into her stomach and killing her. As she collapses to the ground, Logan sees the man in black behind her and flees from the basement, but he catches up with Logan and pinning him to the ground, pulls his contact lenses out before telling him to run... Fleeing from the scene into the woods, Logan takes cover behind a tree as... as Martha wanders past him completely obvious. Are we sure this wasn't supposed to be a black comedy? Before he continues on, vision impaired. Seemingly surviving until the morning, Logan stops at a nearby stream to take a drink and rest, but as he does, that same figure in black appears behind him and seemingly strangles him to death off screen...

Well. That was certainly a film. I'll be honest, these types of movies are not really my thing. I don't usually get much from them even when they're good ones. I remember the last proper horror film I watched was The Woman In Black and I came out of it like, "I got nothing from this." and I haven't really bothered with them, this blog aside, since. I sorta felt the same here, only twice as worse. Not only did I really get nothing from this, but it wasn't a very good movie with it.

There were moments where I felt like it tried too hard to be unnerving that it bordered on almost being funny. There is no way the viewer is supposed to take those last 10 odd minutes seriously, where Logan is shuffling around the house shivering, white with the cold but bloodied up from his head wound, carrying a knife, whilst some jangly rock and roll blares out the speakers. That was supposed to be funny right? Right? And they went all in with the jump scares in the first half: 10 moments in total before they petered out completely in the second half, more or less. That and it was the same old tropes, the shadowy figures in the background, the otherwise mundane scene interrupted by a figure appearing whilst the music builds up to a dramatic crescendo. It's stuff I've seen before, a hundred times, in every horror movie you watch ever.

Alright, so maybe I'm being a bit over critical but that's where I'm coming from. For what it's worth, the acting was mostly decent: Dylan Minnette as Logan was decent although I felt like he struggled for direction in spots and it showed. Similarly Piercey Dalton as Naomi was fine but I'm not sure horror movies are really her wheelhouse. I haven't checked her movieography but I feel like she'd be pretty good in a gritty drama but she did err on the overacting a bit when it came to the dying bits at the end. But otherwise, they did a decent job. The other people in this movie weren't really around long enough to make an impression. Not even super-nice guy Chris who was so over enthusiastic in every single scene.

And cinematography wise, everything there was fine too. They got all the shots, the wide angle pan, the up close and personal, and they ticked off all the clichés; the too dark to comprehend what's going on scene that results in a jump scare, the aforementioned mundane action scene interrupted by a figure appearing, the grim death scene... kinda... they ticked them all off, but they were all shot and all produced professionally so I can't criticise this movie for being amateur. Not in that department anyway.

But all of the above accounted for, all the above for good or not good, the biggest issue I have with this movie is the plot. If you've seen one home invasion movie, you've seen them all and this was nothing new. Nothing fresh. They don't even apply a thinly veiled motive this time around. He's just a killer. Presumably picking his victims after casing their joint by way of attending a open house viewing. I think. I'm kinda reading between the lines a bit. And I am ok with a movie leaving you to reach your own conclusions (well, I'm not, I kinda want you to explain everything to me. But anyway) because sometimes that's the approach a Director takes, but I feel like it was just "there's a killer because of the reasons." kind of approach and there wasn't really any exposition to flesh out the plot hole. I also have no fucking idea what purpose the Martha character was supposed to serve, or why she was even in the fucking movie to begin with. 

Storyline wise as well, it was the same predictable cinema trope. Have you seen Amityville Horror? At first they think it's each other, and the police don't take them seriously, and then they all die. Sound familiar? I know there are only so many ways you can do a home invasion horror movie I guess? But I thought these Netflix original movies were supposed to be about breaking the mould to a degree? About bringing something fresh to the table right? I watched Okja (not for the blog) and that was good? What happened? Where did you lose your way Netflix?

To be fair, I was kinda into this to a degree, like I wanted to see how they brought it to a conclusion, but I really struggled to get emotionally involved with it. They took a long time to build to the ultimate murder scenes at the end, without ever really fleshing out any of the characters much. Even Logan and Naomi don't really get that much depth. They're just cannon fodder for the eventual murderer. And there was just so many scenes that didn't really go anywhere. There wasn't much substance here, and it felt like a kind of tribute to the haunted house horror movies combined with a tribute to the home invasion horror movies. It hadn't really got anything to make stand alongside those kind of movies as a fresh entry to the genre. Instead, it just felt like a nod of appreciation. An otherwise unremarkable one. 1 out of 5.

N.B: I recognized Sharif Atkins from his time spent playing Dr. Gallant on ER. That was bothering me this whole movie.