"I got a bad feeling about this, like were gonna need a new planet bad feeling..." Aliens finally make contact with Earth and they absolutely do not come in peace...
Battleship, the 2012 movie, yes that 2012 movie that Rihanna was in, is genuinely supposed to be an adoption of the leviathan tabletop game of the same name first developed by Hasbro and I will be honest with you, just that anybody was prepared to look at that game and think: 'OK but how do we make it into a movie?' deserves awarding a silver star to be honest.
I will level with you right now, I enjoyed this movie. I mean it's a massive reach; 'how the hell do we make this not a boring war film?' 'well what if the opposing battleships were aliens?' Immediately right there this movie should have died a death. But it didn't. They carried on, and I salute them for that.
I'm running out of crap naval puns as well as this point, but the premise is that we, humanity, contact a planet we think could potentially harbour life and it summons almighty superdestructive aliens (that look a bit like characters from Crysis or Doom... who did it first?) to the planet and decide, maybe because we are a majority ocean planet, to send their 4 best boats to launch an assault on Hawaii. But everything is OK because we have Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) who is some kind of naval genius when he isn't being a dick, and fucking Rihanna on guns so they do not stand a chance.
I am not gonna spoil it for you, but this is America we are talking about and America never loses a war against anyone: aliens, robots, the Russians, themselves, nobody. So despite being militarily and technologically outclassed in every single category, they somehow pull it off and stop a full scale alien invasion of planet Earth with a 1940's battleship. Oh, hang on I've spoiled it for you now.
Genuinely though, there are clichés in this film by the barrel full. There is trailer bait. Rihanna maybe, possibly doesn't belong anywhere near a film playing this kind of role, and it was a typical brainless disaster movie where humanity somehow comes out on top in the third act despite being up against seemingly impossible opposition. It was equally as good in parts as it was bad, and believe me it got really bad in parts... But after the atrocity that was Slender Man last week, I just wanted something fun again, alright? And this movie was just fun. The Special effects we're pretty decent, save for Rihanna who honestly wasn't terrible, just not very good... everyone did a good job with their role, Taylor Kitsch especially, as Hopper, the hero of the film. If you blinked you might have missed Liam Neeson but he was in it at some point honest.
You could do worse, much much worse and I'm sure I will, with your disaster movies than you could with this one and it gets a nod of approval from me, and a strong 3 out of 5. Good job folks.
